Images of Forever
by Chrissy Almasy
Summary: SxS shounenai. Postwar, Squall finds himself torn between Seifer and the rest of the Gang, who aren't happy with Seifer's return. Love is budding between them, but can it last? COMPLETED
1. Chapter 1

A new day, a new story. With _Fire Storm_ slowing down a bit, I thought I'd share another one of my projects with you. This one's finished already, so regular updates are guaranteed! Total of 6 chapters, and an epilogue if you guys think it needs one.

**Disclaimer:**Once and for all: I don't own them, Squaresoft does. I'm just (ab)using them... and I'm not even making any money with it, either. Furthermore I'm well aware that this idea has more or less been done before, if not here on then at least in Hollywood, but my muses wouldn't let that stop them.

**Warnings: **SxS shonenai, although it's not too obvious just yet. It won't get graphical, but if boy-love still quirks ya, go find another bone to pick. Some parts/reactions may seem OOC, but all OOC-ness has a purpose.

**Summary:** After the war, Squall finds himself torn between his newfound friendship with Seifer and the rest of the Gang, who are anything but happy about Seifer's return. But dothey have a good pointin objecting so strongly?

Now, enjoy!

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**Images of Forever - Chapter 1**

Once again I am more than grateful for the common showers right outside the training centre, mostly because I'm Grat-full, too. It's infinitely better to wash the green slime off while it's still runny than to leave a slug trail to the bathroom in your dorm, only to discover that the stuff has already crusted and won't let go of your hair, ever. Seifer taught me as much after he came to that conclusion, back when he was thirteen. He's kept the crew cut ever since.

And since he's got no intention of ending up bald after this particularly messy training session, he's in the stall next to me, washing his hair with what looks suspiciously much like _my_ shampoo. I let him. At least he's here to steal my stuff.

At least he's here, period.

"Don't go using up all the warm water, Puberty-Boy."

Seifer's sharp voice wakes me from my thoughts. Turning around, I see him getting dressed in the clean change of clothes he brought. I swear time takes a shortcut when I think. Quickly turning off the taps, I grab my towel and start drying myself, all the while glaring at him. He just smirks in reply.

"Save your glares for someone who gives a shit and get going already. Stalling ain't gonna help you get out of your promise."

Walking over to my locker, I throw my wet towel at his head. He ducks and it misses, landing in the bag with clothes destined for the dry cleaner's instead. The move earns me a few curses, which I ignore out of habit. Changing into my spare trousers and shirt, I ask him if he's got anything better to do tonight instead of hanging around with me and my game computer.

"Ha," he exclaims. "I got a few DVD's lying on my TV which are still in their wrappers. And then there's the bar downtown, of course. A few drinks, a few girls…"

"And in the morning, me biting your hung-over ass off for going out after curfew again."

"Yeah man, nothing like seeing you get your pants in a twist after a great night on the town."

"You're a sick man, Seifer."

"No, I just dare to live a little."

I snort and keep silent. We both know I don't like the way he sets his priorities, even if he is grossly exaggerating. But it's no use getting wound up over it, so I pretend that tying the laces of my sneakers takes too much concentration to reply.

"Anyone ever tell you how cute you look when you're not wearing leather?" he suddenly asks, with a tone of voice that's saying 'take the bait, Squally-boy'.

But I won't. Repressing the urge to glare, I go for the sarcastic approach. "Actually, I usually get told I look cute when I _am_ wearing leather." It's true. People tell me that all the time. Girls _and_ boys. It's disturbing, it really is…

Unfortunately, Seifer can make a come back from any kind of set-back.

"Of course, fact is that you look cute no matter what you wear. Or don't wear." The suggestive wink he makes is only play. But it does work on my nerves.

"You still want have a go at the new game I bought?" I demand. It's not a question. More of a threat.

He shrugs. "You want holler at me in the morning?"

"Not really."

"Then let's go play!" He swings Hyperion on his shoulder and then paces out into the hallway, leaving me to shove our bags of dirty clothes into the laundry shoot. Then I follow him quietly.

The hallway is empty. No surprise considering the time of night. Only the training centre's open at this hour, and only the most well-trained and insane SeeD would train knowing the infirmary won't open till eight in the morning. Which would explain our presence here.

"So, do we expect any trouble when we arrive?"

I shake my head. With 'trouble' he means Rinoa. Like most people in Garden, she doesn't approve of Seifer being back here. She approves even less of me inviting him to my room. But the only times she gets a say in the matter is when she's at my place, and fortunately for our little plan tonight, she usually sleeps in her own dorm when I stay out late in the training centre.

Opening my door, we are greeted by darkness, which confirms my expectation. After double checking the bedroom, I sound the 'all-clear'. Seifer acknowledges the message by plopping down on the couch in the living room.

From the kitchenette corner of the living room, I get a bottle of soda and two glasses.

"Here, catch."

Seifer's reflexes are amazing in battle, but when he's off guard, he's off guard. I wince as the glasses crash and shatter on the floor. Fortunately, the bottle lands on the seat of the sofa and survives its brief flight.

"No need to bring down the house!" he exclaims. Examining the bottle he gives me a flat look. "I hope you weren't expecting any carbon in that."

"Whatever."

He sighs and roles his eyes. "Some things never change, do they?"

At that moment the door bell chimed, and since I'd rather answer the door than Seifer's half-hearted questions, I went to open it.

Rinoa. Not just Rinoa, but a very groggy-looking Rinoa wearing a bathrobe.

"Um, hi?"

She eyes me through sleep-logged lids. "Hi. You okay in there?"

"Yeah? Any reason I shouldn't be?"

"Just that I woke from this crash. Something broke, I think. I just wanted to know for sure it wasn't at your place."

I smirk briefly. "Well, it was at my place. Nothing bad though. We were gonna have a drink, and…"

"We?" she cut in, looking very awake and very concerned all of a sudden. Damn, I had so hoped to avoid this. I let out an exasperated sigh.

"Yes. We. I figured you'd be asleep when I got back, so I invited Seifer over for a drink and a go at the MS500 after training. He dropped the glasses, hence the crash. Sorry we woke you." Okay, that went a little too fast to come out as casual, but I just want her to go.

No such luck, of course. The level of 'concern' on her face turns up a notch as her eye brows arched into 'pleading' mode. I hate it when she does that. I hate it even more when she starts to…

"Seifer? Squall, I thought we'd been over this. You know this isn't right."

… when she starts to nag about me hanging out with Seifer. Hyne, will no one ever give me a break?

"Damn, Rinoa! I can make my own decisions! I don't need you or Quistis or God-knows who else on my tail, telling me what is right and what isn't. And if I want to invite an old friend over to my quarters, that's my choice, regardless of whether or not the lot of you consider him a criminal."

"That's not it! It's not about him being a criminal or whatever, and you know it."

"Then what's your problem, for God's sake? It's not like I'm having sex with him or anything!"

Now I realise we've been shouting. Some doors open up along the corridor, and suddenly I feel very, _very_ self-conscious. So I do what I do best. I run. And in this case running away means slamming the door in my girlfriend's face, and locking it before anyone decides to come in anyway.

They don't. I can hear Rinoa shoo everyone back to their beds before leaving to for her dorm herself. Despite the fact she started this argument, I feel grateful for her cleaning up my social mess. Especially after that last comment.

When I get back to the living room, Seifer's eyeing me intently. "That's the third time in two weeks she comes to complain about me being here. They got you under 24/7 surveillance or something?"

"Sure does seem that way, don't it?" I say quietly as I crouch to pick up the shards of glass. Just a few big pieces, fortunately, or I'd have to wake up everyone with the vacuum cleaner.

"If I were you, I'd check twice when they start asking silly questions," Seifer comments while moving so I can reach under the couch, but not helping either. "Before you know it, it turns out you're on 'Oblivious' or some other hidden camera show. And we both know you camera's aren't exactly your best friends."

Without really wanting to, I chuckle. That's Seifer, all right. Even when we were younger, he could always bring me back to the here and now. Either by words or by beating me up.

Then to my surprise, he gets up, but clearly not to turn on the computer. "I think I'd better be going," he says in answer to my unspoken question.

"Why? I thought you were so desperate to tryout _Morgenstern 2_?"

"Nah. I'm not really in the mood for chasing demons anymore. And if I'm not gonna get laid either…"

He winks. Typically him to use my little outburst for something like this. I look away, feeling ashamed, while I wait for him to finish his sentence. But he leaves it hanging, the unsaid words as mocking as if he had spoken them. Sometimes I wish he wouldn't belittle everything like this.

Yet the tone is gone when he continues to speak, and his eyes look different, too.

"But seriously," he sighs, "I don't want to cause you any trouble. And if all your friends and colleagues jump your neck for even talking to me, perhaps we shouldn't…" He stops when I wave his words away.

"Don't even think about it, Almasy. If they can't handle it, then that's their problem, not mine. And it shouldn't be yours, either."

He shrugs, but looks tenser than usual. He puts his hand on the 'open'-button of the door. I give it one more try.

"You sure?"

He nods. "Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow. 'Night."

The door slides shut behind him, and I'm left with this sinking feeling.

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Just a warming-up, this chapter. Let me know what you think so far. The more reviews, the faster I update! 


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews, people! I hadn't planned on updating so soon, but what the heck, why not? Let's continue and see the plot take shape (yesyes, there actually is one )

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**Chapter 2**

For all the improvements I tried to make in this Garden, the cafeteria food still tastes like… Well, to be honest it tastes exactly like the kind of grub you'd expect in the army barracks. And let's face it, that's all Garden really is.

I prod my fork in what's left of my lunch, but I can't really be bothered. A fitting analogy for my whole life: A dull, shapeless thing without sense or purpose.

Or at least it was until Seifer came back.

It's an overused cliché to say that we are two sides of the same thing. Like night and day, where one defines the other and the one is nothing without the other. But the thing about clichés is that they become clichés because they're so bloody true. No exception here.

I didn't sleep so well last night. I'd really been looking forward to play some computer games with him, and I can't help but feel a bit angry towards Rinoa for interrupting that over some stupid glasses. I know she meant well, but sometimes we just need to have a little time alone. Like girls go shopping, guys need some time to do… I don't know, guy-things. And I know she knows that or she'd freak every time I hang out with Zell or Irvine, too, and not just when it's Seifer.

… I wonder if there is something like an unforgivable mistake…

"Hi, care for some company?"

Startled, I look up from my lunch to see Rinoa standing there with a tray in her hand. She smiles at me in a very endearing way, and I just can't muster the courage to be mad at her. So I shove a chair in her general direction as an invitation.

She sits down readily and quickly starts drenching her salad in dressing.

"So, you had fun last night?" she asks between the dressing and her coffee. Her voice sounds a little on edge, but sincere enough.

I shrug in reply. "We didn't get 'round to the game. He left right after our little conversation," I inform her.

She gives me a look that hangs between 'knowing' and 'guilty'.

"I didn't mean to upset you. I was just worried."

"I know," I say, giving her a small, crooked smile. "I know you mean well. But you shouldn't fuss so much. I can take care of myself, you know. And worrying so much doesn't make you any happier either."

She sighs. "I know you're right. You're a big boy and I suppose you know what you're doing. It's just that…"

"Just that what?"

She's left too many of those comments hanging in the last few weeks, and they're slowly starting to piss me off. Then she gives me this longing look.

"Y'know, sometimes, when you talk like this, I almost believe everything's normal like before."

Apparently my patience has been on the fire since last night, because it's not until now that I realise it's about to reach boiling point. And it's when I'm boiling inside that people say I go all icy.

So for a few moments I say nothing. I force myself to turn off my internal stove and put my kettle of patience some place cooler.

Cooler, in my world, is more rational. And all things considered rationally, I have to admit that maybe she's making more sense than I like.

Rinoa fusses terribly when she's jealous. I know she does. It happened before. Her jealousy goes as little a way as me working late for an hour or two instead of taking her out. So me spending more and more time with Seifer lately, and thus less with her, is reason enough for her to get jealous. No harm meant. That's just the way she is. And it's true that right after the war, before Seifer came back, we had more time for each other.

"Earth to Squall?"

She wants us to go back to the way things were before. Before Seifer came back. But then again…

"Squall, you in there?"

I look up to meet her eyes. She smiles back at me. It makes it hard for me to tell the truth, but even harder to lie to her.

"I think I understand what you're saying, Rin. But… things just aren't normal without Seifer around. At least not for me. As long as I can remember, he was there. I know I've been neglecting you, but I also feel like I owe it to him to… I don't know, make up for lost time. If that make sense."

She abandons her lunch and her arms wrap around my neck.

"It does, honey, it does. Things did get terribly screwed up between the two of you. And it's not your fault that others don't understand you." She pulls back to look at me, and there is that smile again. "Even if that means..."

She is interrupted when Quistis en Zell walk up to our table, both carrying a tray of food. From the look of it, today is one of those rare days that Zell actually gets his hands on some hot dogs.

"Hey people!" he exclaims enthusiastically. "Mind if we join you? All other tables are taken."

Of course, he sits down without waiting for an answer. Doesn't matter, since I wasn't planning on giving him one. It's common knowledge that Zell is the master of rhetorical questions.

Quistis is a little more self-conscious, but she joins us nevertheless after exchanging a glance with Rinoa.

As soon as they're settled, Rinoa comments on Zell's over-stacked plate and I consciously dissociate myself from the discussion that ensues. Food is not my favourite topic of conversation and lately Quistis and Zell haven't been anywhere near the top of my list of favourites either, considering that they are the ringleaders of the whole 'Seifer is evil'-campaign. Well, Quistis is. Zell just follows her lead, like he always has.

This means that all I can do is hope, against better judgement, that last night's events don't butt into the conversation somewhere. I won't hear the end of it if they find out. But it's just a matter of time before the discussion grinds to a halt after Rinoa drops a line with Seifer's name in it…

"No, I didn't get much sleep with the ruckus going on in Squall's room. Apparently Seifer dropped some glasses."

Like friggin' clockwork. You'd think she'd be on my side, being my girlfriend and all.

Naturally, Quistis stops dead in her tracks, abandoning every other line of thought the way she tends to do these days when she hear Seifer's name. Honestly, if I didn't know any better I'd say she's in love with the guy. Or me. I don't know which is more disturbing.

Now if she wants to jump on Seifer's case at every opportunity she gets, that's her problem. However, if she then turns to me with _that_ look in her eyes, it very quickly becomes _my _problem, too.

"We've been over this, Squall. What you're doing isn't healthy."

Here we go again… I fold my arms and look away, a long-accepted sign that I don't want to hear whatever comes next. But she's not letting go that easily.

"You can run and you can hide, but eventually you'll have to owe up to what happened."

"Whatever."

"The war wasn't just a dream, Squall. The fights really happened. People got killed. And Seifer…"

The noise that my falling chair makes as I snap to my feet cuts off the rest of her sentence. I can feel the rage behind my eyes, and the sudden looks of shock on their faces tell me they see it, too. My kettle of patience is back on the stove and on the verge of boiling over.

"I'm not interested in your already well-known opinion on this matter, _Ms Trepe_," I hiss. "Yes, the war happened, and so did all those deaths. But if you care to recall, Seifer wasn't solely responsible for the lives lost then. We and the rest of SeeD did more than our own fair share of killing, too. The only difference is that _we_ were automatically forgiven because our side won. You'd do well to consider that."

That said, I storm off before any of them re-opens the discussion. Out the cafeteria, and then…

I head towards the dorms. As the carpet of the corridor streams by under my feet, I rerun what just happened. I'm so sick, so incredibly sick of their anti-Seifer-crusade! Ever since he came back two months ago, all I ever here is 'Seifer this' and 'Seifer that', and none of it is positive. No wonder he tends to keep to himself all the time.

Am I so blind that I don't see him for what he is, or am I the _only one_ who sees him for what he is?

That question turns over and over in my head. Feeling tired to the bone, I lean heavily against the doorpost of my dorm. I can't even bring myself to type my entrance code on the numpad. I rub my hand over my face in an attempt to think clearly, but to no avail.

Being riddled by insecurity is the story of my life. My usual solution is to take distance and let the situation develop. But in this case, I'm not sure I can afford to take the risk to wait it out. The development could be pretty catastrophic.

That means I'll have to make a decision. Who do I believe?

"Yo, Leonheart! Up for a quick spar in the training centre?"

I snap up from my thoughts, and can't help but feel relieved when I see Seifer standing there, Hyperion casually slung over his shoulder. He cocks his head and eyes me with a frown.

"You look like shit."

I snort a laugh. "I _feel_ like shit."

"Anything a good fight can remedy?"

"No, don't think so…"

He nods, accepting my decision but looking disappointed nonetheless. "I'll go chase some Grats then," he announces in reply.

Something in me doesn't want him to go. I don't want to be alone right now. "Well, that is…" I start.

He arches a questioning brow at me.

I shrug. "Maybe not a spar, but perhaps we could slaughter some digital demons, if you still feel like it."

The smile is in his eyes more an on his lips.

Feeling strangely revitalised and exhilarated, I turn to open my dorm. As the door opens and we step in, I realise that I don't have to decide who I believe. I've made that decision already.

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Deciding is one thing. Getting your decision accepted by others is another entirely.

Please review and stay tuned: more updates are on the way!


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for the reviews, people! And sorry to everyone hoping on a smutty scene: not in this fic. (But I'm working on a story idea that might get a little more mature. Stay tuned, but don't hold your breath .)

As opposition grows, Squall's trying to keep the jammering at bay while keeping Seifer close. Question is: can he have both?

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**Chapter 3**

"All I'm saying, Commander, is that you should set an example for all students. You shouldn't go training alone like that."

I grit my teeth to avoid saying something I'll probably regret.

"You point is taken, Xu. I will weigh my actions more carefully, but I _assume_ that our cadets are screened on their ability to understand the principles of exceptions?"

Xu swallows. "Yes, sir," she says quietly, taking the point I made on her overstepping her book.

"Thank you. Dismissed."

In the corner of my eye I can see her leave my office. Dutiful to a fault, she is, and loyal to boot, but sometimes I swear she can't see straight for all the regulations she memorises. And she's a close friend of Quistis, which isn't very helpful either these days.

But I've become better at avoiding long discussions in the past few weeks. Say 'Yes, I heard you and I'll look into it', and whoever was complaining to you can't do anything but leave it at that. Very useful, the art of diplomacy is. I just wish I wouldn't have to admit to it.

After Xu has left, I wait another ten minutes before venturing out of my office. Anyone who wants to jump my back and berate me has to wait till tomorrow morning. Rinoa and Selphie have gone to a theatre show in town, Irvine and Zell are on a mission, and I've given Quistis so much work due for tomorrow that she won't have time to think of anything else but paperwork.

Feeling pretty satisfied, I make my way to my dorm. Tonight is all my own.

Or would be, if not for the fact that the door's unlocked and there is the faint glow of light coming from the living room.

I stop dead in my tracks. Did I forget anything? Birthday, anniversary of something or other? Rinoa's got this thing for surprising me with candlelight dinners and romantic nights, usually exactly when I'm not in the mood for either. Unable to think of any reason for celebration other than a quiet night, I step in and peek around the corner.

I'm greeted by rapidly changing images on the TV screen, digital music muffled by a head set and the soft clicking of keys of the game console. I now vaguely recall not turning off my computer game last night, and apparently Seifer shares my opinion of _Morgenstern II_ being every bit as addictive as its predecessor.

For a few moments I just stand there, watching Seifer, who's so engrossed in the game he doesn't even realise someone's standing behind him. I like this about him: he's a trained soldier, but he knows exactly when he can let his guard down. And when he does, he is so different. A young boy, playing and teasing and so unlike the hardened Sorceress' Knight that everyone thinks he is. It makes him all the more human, perhaps even vulnerable.

Strange thing is that I seem to be the only one around whom he lets himself go like this. Perhaps that's why he always tried to pry a reaction out of me when we were both cadets, just to have someone to talk to. And I just shoved him further away...

He jabs a fist in the air in victory after winning a particularly difficult battle. And I, knowing I'm a bastard for doing this, slowly clap my hands in mock-sarcasm.

Seifer snaps around, but stops mid-motion when he sees me. I smile inwardly when his eyes betray his surprise at getting caught red-handed. But he recovers quickly, dramatising slacking motions as he sits down again.

"Ah, it's you."

"Yes, it's me," I repeat, deliberately adding a berating tone to my voice. "This happens to be my dorm. Who else were you expecting?"

He actually looks guilty now, turning his head away like that.

"I dunno. Rinoa or something." When I don't reply, he looks up at me again. "Well, it'd be only a logical assumption. She's all over you these days."

"She has _always_ been all over me." I surprise myself with the irritation in my voice.

Seifer tilts his head, making me nervous.

"I mean, I love her," I explain hastily. "But she's… I don't know, she can be so oppressive in expressing herself. She seems to overact all the time, and it's damn annoying. And occasionally, very occasionally, it makes me wonder why I put up with her."

Serious green eyes stare at me, hints of emotions playing in his irises, just out of reach.

"Why do you?" he asks softly.

"Do what?"

"Put up with her if she's so annoying."

"…Dunno…" Well, there _is_ an actual reason. I made a promise. "I promised to be her Knight."

Seifer nods, smiling faintly. "Yes, so you did. But being a Sorceress' Knight isn't an occupation. It's a calling. To serve her, and only her. And the Sorceress feels the same calling towards her Knight." He gives me a curious look. "You got that kind of relationship with her?"

I hate it when he traps me like this. "You seem to think I don't," I reply sarcastically.

But he only shrugs and raises his brows. "I'm asking you."

"You shouldn't be. I'm not good at this kind of emotional issues."

"Do you love her?"

"Yes, of course I do."

"Would you die for her?"

"… I suppose so," I answer, too proud to be honest and too honest to lie straight out. Once there was a time when I didn't have to think about giving an affirmative answer to that question. I start to wonder why I hesitate now, but before I can, Seifer introduces a new line of thought.

"I see. But unlike what most people believe, laying down your life isn't the highest sacrifice. Another question then: Would you give her everything she asks you for."

I give him a smirk for that one. "That really depends on what it is she asks for. My love and devotion: sure. My credit card: no way in hell."

He chuckles. "Wise decision. So, would you give her my head?"

I freeze and let the casual sentence run by me again.

"W..what?"

"My head. On a platter. Would you give Rinoa that if she asked you for it?"

I'm much more imaginative than people tend to think, and I blink a few times to get rid of the images Seifer's question conjures up. The idea alone of killing Seifer to satisfy Rinoa's whim leaves my mouth dry and makes my lips pull up in a sneer.

"Hell no," I tell him quietly, but the simple words drenched in determination.

A calm smile spreads on his lips.

"Then there's your answer. Say, how does this thing fit back in the box?" That's Seifer for you. From gloomy questions to computer games in 2 seconds.

"I don't think I quite follow you, Seif." I say, picking up the game console he dropped when I came in. "You saved your game?"

He nods, and then stares intently at me.

"You're not her Knight, Squall. If you were, you wouldn't give a rat's ass about _what_ she asked you for. A Knight literally goes to the moon and back for his Sorceress without a second thought."

"Been there, done that. _And_ for her, too."

He stared blankly at me for a few seconds, but then nods in an 'ah, that's right' motion. "Okay, bad example, but you get my point."

I silently start to pack up the game computer. I don't like what Seifer's trying to tell me. It pulls the legs out of everything I thought was true. Rinoa was my Sorceress, and I was her Knight, and that was reason enough to stay together. It was back then and it still is.

Is it? Even if she… "D'you think she'll ask me for that?"

Seifer glances at me. "For what?"

"Your head on a platter."

"I wouldn't think it beyond her," he smirks deviously. "She doesn't like me. I fed her to Adel, and I interfere too much with you and your relationship. So why wouldn't she?"

I shrug, feeling more nervous than I'd like to admit.

"It's a bit rash, don't you think?"

"Possibly, but Sorceresses are rarely known for careful deliberation of their decisions."

"Matron does think before she acts."

"Exception to the rule," he shrugs.

"Convenient," I mutter in return while closing the computer's box and shoving it under the TV stand, where it belongs. Then I look up at him. "But why do you think Rinoa would ask me for your head?"

He folds his arms, looking away as if searching for the right words.

"It was just an… _inspired _example."

"Inspired example?" What the hell is that supposed to mean?

"Well…" He pauses, looking at me intently. "You see, Ultimecia asked me to give her yours."

That statement gets more of a reaction from me then it ought to, considering the witch's reputation.

I nod slowly, digesting this piece of information.

"She did, did she?" I bite my lip involuntarily. "And what did you tell her?"

"I told her 'Hell no'."

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Is it just Squall's imagination, or is Seifer slowly becoming softer? Review and find out! 


	4. Chapter 4

Hey folks, time for another update. Thanks for the reviews! I hope things are developing to your liking. For the records, the part in italics is a flash back.

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**Chapter 4**

Another day, another argument with Rinoa. I'd say it is pointless, but it isn't. Not really.

"But if it was a serious conversation, all business, as you put it, then _why_ did you say those things!" she demands to know.

"She was the one who got her personal emotions in a twist with her professionalism!"

The issue at hand is something I said to Quistis, which I, apparently, shouldn't have said. But if I recall the incident in my office yesterday, I feel no need to apologise. Everything I said was a rightful statement. Although I can see why Quistis would disagree…

"_And this is your final word on the matter?" Quistis asks, obviously irritated._

"_It is. And as Commander of this Garden, I order you to abide by it. Seifer Almasy stays in Garden and will continue to follow the SeeD training course."_

_She snorts. "If he ever attended the lectures! Squall, all teachers can testify they have _never_ seen him in the classes you assigned him to," she exclaims, pointing at the time table he gave her to confirm his decision._

"_I'm sure he would if he was convinced he'd be treated like a human being by both the instructors and students. But you make a fair point, and I'll take it up with him personally." _

_She throws her hands in the air in exasperation and then gives him a poignant stare. "You sure demonstrate a lot of confidence in the capability of someone with his status." Her eyes narrow. "Are you sure you are still fit to lead Garden?" _

_Taking a deep breath, I give her a cold stare in return. "So this is what it has come to, has it? I really had thought that someone of your calibre would behave in a more professional manner."_

"_Oh, is that so?" she sneers angrily._

"_Yes, it is. Quistis, you were once my teacher, and now you are my second-in-command and my confidante. Although the latter has become questionable of late. But the fact is that I expect of you that you behave yourself as a professional, regardless of any personal issues that pass between us." _

"_Will you get to the point?" she demands, flooding her arms before her chest defensively. _

_I nod. "Very well. The point is that you wanted me, and Seifer got me. Your objections to his presence in this Garden are nothing more than petty jealousy, and as your commanding officer, I cannot condone such childish behaviour." _

_Her mouth opens and closes a few time under eyes the size of saucers. Obviously she hadn't expected him to throw that line of accusation at her._

"_You… you seriously think that I'm just saying you should let Seifer go because…because I want you and I'm jealous of your friendship with him?" _

"_Yes, I am. And I'm also seriously warning you to clean up your act before I decide to place sanctions on you." _

_That only fuels her anger further, and she can barely talk for fury. _

"_I object!" she finally bellows._

"_I wouldn't say another word on the subject if I were you. I'm not in the mood to tolerate any more of your emotional fits." _

Back to Rinoa, who's also screaming in my face now.

"Do you realise what you said! She was crying when she came to me!"

"Don't tell me such things, Rinoa. It won't help her case if she continues to be so emotionally unstable."

"That's unfair! Quistis only wants to help you. Your well-being is the only thing she's got in mind when she tells you those things!"

I feel my eyes narrow, and my cheeks begin to burn. I am _not_ going to end up the victim of some elaborate emotional hoax pinning all the blame for everyone's behaviour on me.

"Oh yes, I'm sure she does. But the fact remains that she's fighting a battle she can't win! I never loved her, definitely not the way she wanted me to. Hell, she couldn't even reach me when I as still her student, and she still doesn't understand me! Seifer never had any trouble reaching me, no matter how stubborn I was, or still am! And she's resorted to pretty extreme means to still get a shot at my loyalty."

Wow. Apparently voicing your thoughts is not as difficult as it seems when you've got this much adrenaline pumping through your system. Through my anger, I still manage to feel surprised. And satisfied… Even Rinoa takes a step back. Not for long, though. Can't they just leave me alone!

"Why would she, Squall? Quistis' is well aware of the fact you've got me. She sees herself as your friend, perhaps your sister! Nothing more!"

I snort in disbelieve. "So, I take it from your valiant defence of her behaviour that you actually agree with her and think Seifer should be kicked out of Garden? Or better yet, killed?"

My words make her back away again. She's nervously fidgeting with her fingers, and her eyes evade mine. I can't help but think about the 'inspired example' Seifer had been talking about the other night. What if he is right? It scares me to think of it.

"Squall, I don't like it anymore than you do. He was my friend, too, remember? But things change and there just wasn't anyway any of us could have prevented this from happening, could we? I mean, I'm sure we'd all have tried if we could have, but…

I tremble inside now. Anger, disappointment… It all washes over me all at once, and I find it difficult to talk without my voice breaking.

"But what? But what, ey! You all make it sound like he was singularly responsible for all deaths of the entire war! Perhaps it was his dream to be Sorceress Knight, but I'm sure it wasn't his dream to be called the worst mass-murderer of the last centuries!"

"Squall, that's not it!" she yells, and I look at her. There are a few moments of silence. Her voice is softer, almost kinder, when she continues. "I don't hate him, not then, not now. I never did. But what you're doing is still wrong regardless. The way we, or you, feel about him has nothing to do with the fact that you wanting to keep him here is wrong."

"So I should just let him go? Kick him out of Garden, out on his own? Out there where people _do _hate him? And you're telling me that that _isn't_ wrong?" I don't understand, I truly don't understand.

And the worst of it is that she gives me one of those compassionate looks, and I can tell there are tears brimming her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Squall, but you'll have to let go," she sobs. "If you don't, I'm afraid others will turn on you, and that just wouldn't be fair. For anyone."

I keep silent in my usual stoic way as I digest this ominous warning. So Quistis' hostility is not limited to just words, and Rinoa hasn't openly said she'd support me. In fact, all evidence points towards her siding with Quistis and the others when push comes to shove.

Suddenly the probability of her, or anyone else, asking me for Seifer's head on a platter as prove of my love and loyalty to them becomes very real. And it angers me! Jealousy, it all boils down to jealousy! They hate him because I love him!

I do a double take. Love him? Do I love Seifer Almasy?

He is my friend. And in a way he's also my brother, even if we're not blood-related and even if we fought like lions at every opportunity. Still, he always has accepted me as I am and he still does, even when no one else will, not even Rinoa. And in return I stand up against others for his sake, feeling hurt on his behalf when they speak as if he's the worst man on the face of the planet.

I've never given it much thought, but I feel complete when I'm with him. Sparring, talking or playing stupid computer games… And he seems to be content when he's with me, too.

Is that love?

If it is, then yes, I love him.

* * *

Seifer and Squall are made for each other, don't you think? I know I do. Anyway, please R&R! 


	5. Chapter 5

Yet again thanks for the reviews, everybody! I'd comment on them if I wasn't so afraid I'd give the ending away. For now all I'm going to say is that yes, we finally get so see some fluff!

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**Chapter 5**

It's past ten in the evening, and I'm lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling. Thinking, as usual.

'I love him.'

That line of thought has lasted a long time. From the moment it first came up until now, three days later. And I'm still trying to figure it all out.

I love Rinoa, right? She's my girlfriend, and she loves me. And I love her. Simple as that.

But I don't trust her anymore, and lovers should be able to trust each other no matter what.

I know I trust Seifer. He defied his Sorceress' wish to see me dead rather than giving her what she wanted. And he warned me about being loyal to Rinoa when I'm not truly her Knight.

So I ask myself: aren't I?

According to Seifer's specifications, no, I'm not her Knight. And even if I love her, I still don't trust her to be at my side anymore. Not when I need her most…

I snap out of my thoughts when someone knocks at my door. Slowly I hoist myself into a sitting position and swing my legs onto the ground. There's another riff of knocks.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" No need to be so impatient! If it was an emergency, they'd be shouting at me through the damn door anyway. So who wants to make a social call at this time of night? I thought Rinoa said she'd go into town 'with the girls'?

I open the door, still wondering who I might find. I'm greeted by knitted blond eyebrows above a half-hearted smirk. My previous line of thought starts running in the back of my mind again, and makes me blush slightly.

"Seifer? What's up?" He's not carrying Hyperion, soit can't be an invitation for a spar.

"The word's out that you wanted to see me. Something to do with my classes?"

Ah. Yes. That.

I gesture him to come in. "Who told you?" I ask as I make a general 'sit down' invitation.

He plops on his favourite spot on the sofa, one arm leaning on the back. He shrugs in reply. "Suffice to say that I overheard some people talking. I was wondering why you didn't ask me in person."

I snort. "Because I wasn't intending to take this up with you at all. I told Quistis I would, but as life has proven many times over, what you promise and what you do are two entirely different things."

"I see. So what was it you didn't want to discus with me?" He's got a tentative look on his face that makes him seem…fragile. As if he's afraid of what I'm going to say.

"Quistis pointed out to me that you haven't attended a single class since you came back to Garden," I say, choosing my words with care. "And I told her you'd probably have a very valid reason for that."

He smiles briefly. "How true."

"I can image a few reasons, but it's none of my business. It's not like you don't already know all the material."

"I did a fair few exams in my time, yes," he says casually.

I chew my lip while I observe him for a moment. He's acting casual, but being very careful at the same time. Not saying much where usually he'd be shouting all over the place, or simply breaking something.

"Who are you and what have you done to Seifer Almasy?"

It's out before I know it. He gives me an awkward look.

"What the hell?"

I shake my head. 'Nothing. Nothing. It's just that you're… you seemed to have changed lately."

"For the worst?"

I shake again, letting myself fall on the sofa, beside him.

"No, not for the worst," I assure him. "Just… you're less loud. Making less hurtful comments. Less sarcasm and more…I don't know, what I'd like to think of as the genuine you."

He raises his brows, unfortunately in a very sarcastic way. "Am I?"

"At least around _me_ you are," I shrug.

He nods and purses his lips while he looks away, staring at the wall opposite the sofa. For a while, neither of us speaks nor moves.

Then, after what may have been as much as half an hour, he turns back to me.

"Y'know, may you're right," he says, still not making eye contact. "Maybe I have changed. I used to act an arrogant bastard partially because that's what I was, and still am, and partially because that way no one could hurt me. But now, everything's different..."

Now he does look up and into my eyes. And I look back.

"These days, everyone's out to hurt me," he continues quietly. "Everyone but you."

Nervously, I look away. Am I blushing? Yes, I am. He'll probably laugh at me for that in a moment. But he always did, so why do I care about that now? Why does he care about what I do or do not think about his conduct? Why does he care? Why do I? Why…

That train of thought is abruptly silenced by strong fingers touching my cheek, nudging me gently to turn my head. When I do, all I can see is a glimpse of bright green eyes before warm lips close lightly over mine. And surprisingly, it's not at all unpleasant. Like a torch in the darkness, Seifer's brief, simple kiss shows me all the things I always wanted but never got. A place to feel warm, comforted, needed, complete. A place where I can genuinely be myself. A place where I am loved.

And here, in the embrace of the one I least expected it from, I find just that.

He releases me, but I lean into him, burying my face in his shoulder and wishing we could just sit here forever. Wishing I woulnd't have to be afraid of losing him, too, like I've lost so much before.

"Please don't go…" I mummer into the lining of his coat.

His chest resonates as he chuckles softly and his embrace tightens. "I'll always be there when you need me. Even when you think you can't find me."

I look up at him. "Promise?"

He smiles. "I promise."

* * *

They're so sweet together... Too bad nothing lasts forever.

Next chap will be the final one unless you guys tell me to write an epilogue. R&R please!


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks for the reviews everyone! I yield, I'll do the epilogue (If only because I've got soooo much to explain after this chap...).

Kamichiee: as loyal reader/reviewer, this chap's dedicated to you. Thanks!

Enjoy, everyone!

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**Chapter 6**

I didn't know anyone could feel this happy. Least of all me!

It's still early, and the corridors are almost empty. Just as well. Anyone who would be looking wouldn't believe what he saw. I mean, I'm fucking notorious for not smiling, ever.

But I am smiling now. My world is reeling. Last night…One moment, one sign of affection and everything, _everything_ is different. I don't care what everyone else thinks. Not what Rinoa thinks, or my mistrusting 'friends', and least of all do I care about their misgivings towards Seifer. It's strange to feel that way. Strangely liberating.

I get my breakfast from a still sleepy cafeteria lady and eat it in blissful solitude. Currently I don't want company from anyone else but one specific person, and he's not one to get up early.

Enjoying the peace and quiet I haven't had in quite a while, I consider taking a day off. A scarily spontaneous decision, especially coming from me, but I kind of like the thought. Or I could just go to work and give them all hell. Nice thought. Very appealing. I feel like I can take on the world today!

A bold statement as it turns out, one I get to put it to the test immediately. In the corner of my eyes I can see a familiar figure approaching my table. Knowing I can't avoid contact, I look up at him when he stops at my table. "Morning, Zell."

"Morning," he answers a bit distracted. He's picking at his fighting gloves, a habit he adopted when he got smacked one time too often for 'swatting flies', as Seifer calls it. But it means the same: he's nervous and impatient. My observation is confirmed by the complete lack of the usual word-storm he spouts.

"So…what's up?" he asks me in an attempt to both start a conversation and postpone having to say what he's here for.

"I think should be asking you that. You're the one who's sweating."

"I've… been running."

"And I'm Peter Rabbit," I retort casually.

He cracks a short laugh, but then goes silent again. I'm sure that whatever it is, I'm not going to like it. And he knows that, too.

"Look," Zell finally starts, "Quis asked me to…She wants to have a word with you. In your office."

I sigh. It was all too good to be true, right? Finally finding what you didn't even knew you missed all your life, and then of course the people come who want to take that away. I'm beginning to think that they intentionally want to keep me troubled and broken. I suppose I'm easier to push around that way. Well, not anymore I'm not!

Getting to my feet, I give Zell a stern look. "If that's what she wants, then that's what she gets."

But he just looks away with a pained look in his eyes. Involuntarily, my stomach tightens.

I should have known she wouldn't want to face me again on her own. You've got no case when there are no witnesses. And she brought out our whole team from the war. Irvine and Selphie are huddled together on my couch, and Zell steps up next to Rinoa after he closed the door behind me. Most disturbingly, however, is the fact that my chair is already occupied.

"So your 'coupe d'etat' is a fact now, Quistis?"

Leaning on the desk, she gives me a look that borders between anger and worry. And more professional than I'd like to admit.

"Commander Leonheart, as second-in-command and in the presence of Balamb Garden staff officers, I hereby inform you that you are relieved of your duty, effective immediately."

I keep my face still, but swallow at the coldness in her voice and her eyes. I expected this. Something inside of me knew this was going to happen. But it still took me by surprise. Lost for words, I can only nod. There's nothing I can do now to object, and I'm not even sure if I'd want to. If this is the price I have to pay to get a shot at happiness, then so be it. Slowly, I remove my insignia's and place them on the desk, one by one. They mean a lot to me, but not so much that I would betray Seifer for them.

Last night, we talked about the possibility of this scenario actually coming down. He knows the Garden staff doesn't approve of our friendship, and he said that if push came to shove, he'd stand by me. He hadn't been particularly displeased with the idea of me leaving Garden all together. 'Just a good reason for me to blow this joint, too,' he had claimed with his trademark grin on his face.

As I lay the last of my stars in front of Quistis, I meet her eyes again. They are much less factual now. Carefully she picks up my stars. "I only do what I deem necessary, Squall," she adds quietly. "That and nothing more."

Yeah, sure, as if. I consider snarling at her, but since everyone looks like they're attending a funeral already, I pass on the idea and just throw a salute at her. She's my superior now, after all. And the one to whom I should declare my resignation.

And why not? My career as a SeeD is down the drain now anyway.

"Sir, in addition to my rank I would like to hand in my resignation as SeeD. In light of all of this, I wish to leave Garden entirely."

Quistis looks surprised, but recomposes immediately. I watch her as she places my insignia in the drawer of my…no, _her_ desk. Then she looks up again, eyes stern but not void of emotion.

"Premission denied," she says explicitly.

"What? Why?"

"Because of your condition."

What the hell? 'Condition'? They just took away my dignity, so why can't they at least let me keep my life, my future! "What's that supposed to mean, _sir_?"

Everyone in the room is shifting nervously now, except Quistis who straightens her back.

"Squall, do you know _why_ I relieved you from your duties?" she asks carefully.

I can't stop something of a snarl coming out. She may be my older sister and my former teacher, but that's no reason to patronize me like this.

"Because of Seifer," I answer coldly. "Apparently you consider my friendship to the man who is technically _our brother_ a threat to Garden security and my ability to lead Garden properly." I look around, examining each face in the room. My friends, my siblings… Even my girlfriend. Then why do I feel like a caged animal?

Quistis bites her lip. Then she opens one of the desk drawers and takes out a folder. "This is indeed about Seifer," she says as she places the folder in front of her, "But not about your friendship with him. If it were possible, all of us would actually encourage the two of you becoming friends rather than rivals. But it isn't possible, Squall. And you know that."

"It is possible!" I hiss. "Better yet: it's already a fact! We're friends, brothers. Maybe even more."

"It's no use denying what you've seen, Squall."

"What I have seen is my so-called friends denying _me_!" I yell at all of them. "Seifer is the only one who _didn't _try to change me!"

Quistis' face reddens. "Considering you were the one who discovered him, your reaction is very understandable. But that doesn't change the fact it's not healthy to deny reality!"

"Reality is that the people who call themselves my friends will stop at nothing to take away the only thing that really makes me happy!"

"YOU CAN'T RUN FROM THIS!" she screams in my face, slamming her hand on the folder in front of her. Tears are streaming down her face now.

Shit. This wasn't my intention. "Quis, please. No need to get upset. I don't mean to say you guys are bad friends, but you must admit that you've given me a very hard time lately."

But she isn't listening. Her fingers are trembling as she searches through the folder on the desk. Seifer's personnel file, I notice now. I try to calm her, but she rips the folder open and pushes it under my nose.

"He's gone, Squall! You can't keep denying it! Seifer's dead! And has been for months!"

Her words make me freeze. Dead? No, Seifer isn't dead. He was with me last night. He can't be dead. _Or can he?_, a part of me asks. I push the thought away, but it comes running back when I see which section of the folder Quistis has put in front of me. There are no documents, only photographs.

Photographs of Seifer…

And of a blood-covered wall…

And a handgun…

I don't want to see them. I don't want to face what the pictures tell me, what they remind me of, but I can't look away. My eyes are glued on each sickening detail, and all feeling in my body drains away. Tear are brimming my eyes. Someone help me? Please?

My body feels like it's tearing itself apart from the inside out.My mind is running overtime. Denial and memories are taking over one another for the upper hand. I'm not sure anymore of what I think. Of what I remember happening... The only thing I'm sure of is that I don't want to lose him. Not again. Not now! Seifer, you…

"I promised," a familiar voice says quietly.

I jerk when I suddenly feel a hand lightlky touching my shoulder. My head snaps up, and I see Seifer standing there right by me. He has a sad but tender look in his eyes, and a faint smile tugs at his lips as his strong fingers gently squeeze my shoulder. Then he leans forward.

"Everything I told you is true, Squall," he whispers in my ear. "And my promise still stands. Even when you think you can't find me."

A light kiss brushes my forehead. When I look at his face again, he's walking backwards toward the office windows, smiling at me all the while.

And then he's gone.

* * *

To everyone who expected a happy ending: don't shoot me! This isn't a cheap way of cutting a story short. It was planned to end this way all along. The epilogue should make sense of it. 

(And to everyone who saw this coming: please drop me line on what clued you in, so I know what _not_ to do if I decide to write anything like this again.)


	7. Epilogue

Thanks for the reviews everyone! I don't think I ever got that many reactions to one story (let alone one chapter) in just two days. All feedback is appreciated. It's nice to see I got you surprised, and it's nice to see you didn't shoot me. Well, at least not all of you.

I know epilogues shouldn't be longer than the story itself (okay, that is exaggerated), but I needed some space to explain just exacty what happened. I hope this makes it all a little clearer on what was going on inside and outside of Squall's mind. I kept your reactions in mind while writing this, and I tried to clear up as many confusing things as possible.

Enjoy!

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**Epilogue – 3 months later**

The sun is slowly sinking towards the restless Centran sea. It's snowing, and a frosty December wind is blowing around the cliffs and the lighthouse.

"Squall, dear, I really don't think you should go out. There'll be a storm tonight, and if you want to talk about…what happened, you could talk to me."

Matron gazes at me with an imploring look in her eyes as I pull on my coat. I look away, knowing she means well. She is the only one I trust with my scrambled feelings and recollections of this summer. Of Seifer, of my friends, and of what they did… She's really been a great help sorting myself out.

In return, I help her out with the kids these days, but she dotes as much over me as over any of them. She started a new orphanage after the war and since I want to avoid Garden, at least for a while, I decided to come here. She said she could always use an extra pair of hands taking care of the children anyway.

But right now I have better things to do. "Sorry, Matron," I say as I step out the back door. "Not tonight. Definitely not tonight."

She gives me a sad but understanding look as I walk off towards the cliffs. She, too, knows why not tonight. She, too, knows that today is the 22nd of December, and Seifer's birthday. And I want to spend it with him as best I can. Which basically comes down to me getting frostbite while sitting at his grave all evening.

They buried him here at the top of the cliffs, next to the lighthouse. It's a simple grave, consisting of a marble slab with his name on it. His name and two dates: December 22nd 2379 – July 27th 2402.

The snow is slowly covering the inscription, and I'm almost glad for that. It hurts every time I look at the chiseled characters. Not just because the last date tells me he is really dead, but also because it was well into September before I remembered that…

Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. It's really just a nice way of saying you're mentally instable after a shocking experience. And apparently that's what Doc Kadowaki diagnosed me with when they hauled me out of Seifer's bathroom in a state of catatonia. They say I was completely off the world for a few days, despite my experience with seeing human bodies smeared all over the place. I don't remember any of that, though, which is just another part of PTSS, according to the Doc.

Like that fact that I kind of banned that whole day out of my mind for several months and pretended it never happened…

Quistis and the others, they never did dare to tell me the truth. Rinoa told me a while back that they had hoped I'd snap out of it by myself. But I didn't, and to this day I wish I never had. Living in a dream world where Seifer was still alive is better than facing the void that's left now I'm supposed to face the facts.

Which is why I'm here and not at Garden. Here I can make myself useful and forget what happened this summer. Forgiving my friends for leaving me hanging like that is not something I intend to do any time soon. It's hard enough to deal with Seifer's suicide and the possibility of being a few cards short of a full deck myself.

On that subject, Doc Kadowaki tried to convince me I'm not crazy, only a bit confused. She said I wanted Seifer to be alive so badly that my mind tricked my senses into believing I could actually hear, see and feel him. All nice enough, but in my opinion, that's enough to declare someone certifiably insane. I don't feel insane, but I find myself wishing that I was. That way I could at least pretend that the one night of my life when I felt truly happy had actually happened for real...

Swamped by emotions at that recollection, I sink down to my knees and press my bare hand on the cold marble. "I miss you so much…," I whisper. "Funny how you don't know what you've got until it's gone…"

_I sigh in exasperation. "It's not that we won't let you train, damn it! Be reasonable. We let you back on the SeeD programme, right? And practical training is a part of that. But what I don't like is you taking unnecessary risks. It's pointless to get yourself or others hurt over nothing." _

_Seifer crosses his arms and looks away. "Fine, next time I go training I'll make sure I've got a good reason to get hurt."_

"_That's not what I'm saying, and you know it!" I yell despite myself. I'm scared. I'm truly scared he'll get himself killed._

_He smirks at my words, but it has an angry edge to it. "Don't lecture me, Leonheart. We both know you're just looking for an excuse to take your anger out on me. And given our past, you've got every right to."_

"_I'm not taking anything out on you. There is no need to," I say, shaking my head. "I just don't want to be hauling your dead corpse from some place or another." _

_He glares at me in mock-surprise. "Squall? The Lion of Balamb? Care? About me?" He snarls "Hardly, Puberty Boy. The only way I can get your attention these days is if I _do_ die. And then you'll probably be bitching about the funeral costs. If you even bother with one…" _

_That hurts! "Don't be stupid!" I berate him, but he's not taking it._

"_No, you stop acting like I'm stupid when we both know I'm less than welcome here!" _

_You really are blind, aren't you? "We've given you another chance, Seifer. Can't you give us one?" 'Can't you give me one', is what I really want to ask. But he would just laugh in my face if I said that…_

_Still, I see a strange look pass over his face, and his bright green eyes suddenly seem to lose colour. My stomach ties up in anticipation._

"_I'd give you the world if I could," he says quietly, voice hoarse all of a sudden. "But I can't, and no one can change the things I've done instead." He sighs. "Funny how you don't know what you've got until it's gone."_

I gasp, sucking freezing air into my lungs. Where did that come from? Was that a memory? Doc Kadowaki said I might suddenly start to remember things again. I close my eyes and concentrate. Yes, I actually recall this happening. I didn't understand what he had meant, so I went to his room that night to ask. And that was when…

Images start pouring from my mind now, clear as day. For no apparent reason, I suddenly remember every detail of what happened that night. The fact I found his door unlocked. The exact steps I took as I entered the hallway of his dorm, looking around and calling him. The sinking feeling when I opened the bathroom door…

_A handgun rests casually in his right hand, and he holds a crumpled piece of paper in the other. Blood is splattered on the white tiles of the walls and on his face. No, not just blood, I realise in shock._

_Oh God no… _

_I'm stunned, my mind working overtime to grasp the scene, trying to rationalize the event and the consequence. Rational things I can deal with. Emotional things I can't. Think, Squall, think. Don't feel, just think. Why? Why did he do this?_

_Instinctively, I reach for the paper in his left hand. A suicide note. Maybe it'll explain… _

My fingers dig desperately into the marble ridges that spell his name, like a silent invocation. All the details of that day are milling in my head, one over the other, and I can't stop it. I just can't push it away anymore.

_The thick paper is crumpled, but fairly clean. Unfolding it, I hope to find a reason, no matter how simple or ungrounded. Anything. _

_But what I find, doesn't compute. 'Forever yours' is scribbled on the paper. It's Seifer's handwriting, but it doesn't make sense. Confused, I turn it over, hoping there is more on the back. _

_There is. No writing, but a photograph._

_A photograph of me…_

_At that moment, the world stops._

Wide-eyed, I stare at the setting sun. Tears are streaming down my face. The wind bites into my flesh, but I don't feel it. Inside me, two opposing emotions are warring for attention. On one side is the familiar devastating sadness, a feeling of loss that's almost too much to bear. But on the other side, equally strong but new, is an overwhelming sense of relief and happiness that I can't place just yet.

As these feelings sink in, the last daylight disappears behind the horizon. It's dark when I finally dare to move again. I look down at Seifer's grave and stroke the stone that marks it.

"You never did forgive yourself, did you?" I say out loud. "Even when we did…"

"It's never easy to forgive yourself if you've hurt the ones you love."

I jump at the unexpected voice. Looking up to find the one who spoke, I see Seifer standing at the head of his own grave, his coat hanging still despite the wind. I blink a few times. Surely I'm imagining things again?

"Hardly," he replies casually to my unspoken question. Then he crouched in front of me. "There is a life beyond death, Squall. I'm just sorry I had to go there to realize that I hadn't lost you, like I thought I did." His hand wipes the tears from my face.

"T…this is impossible," I stutter. "You're not real. You can't be. You're dead. They told me…"

"Do I feel real?"

Confused like a little boy, I can only nod.

He smiles kindly at me. "As long as you believe in me, I will always be real to you."

The moment lasts for a few heartbeats, but then he rises to his feet. I want to follow, but my body is numbed by the cold and doesn't respond as well as I'd want. "Seifer? You're not… don't go, please?"

"I do love you, Squall. As much in death as I did in life."

"But… Seifer?"

"I'll never be far away. When you think of me, I'll be there."

I can see the snow falling through him now. "Seifer!" I reach out, but he's gone already and I'm left in the cold darkness of the winter night. I call out for him, but my only reply is the howling of the wind.

I wrap my arms around my body. "Seifer… God, I love you so much..." I feel so lost… Did I imagine it all? Did I really fool myself all these months, as well as just now? Or is there really something such as ghosts? I will myself to think of him, to envision him being here with me. But all I hear, see or feel is a winter storm gathering strength.

Miserable and cold to the core, I get up and make to stagger back to the cottage. And just then, as I'm about to give in to doubt once again, a warm feeling spreads through my chest. It feels exactly like that night when, against all odds, Seifer held me. But I know that this time, I'm not just imagining it.

* * *

The End. At least, as far as this story is concerned.For Squall, the whole road of accepting the loss of a loved one is still ahead, and everyone who's ever had towalk it knows it can be a very long road indeed.

So, does this make sense of the whole? Hope so. And even if this is the final instalment, please don't forget to R&R and let me know what you think of the final result!


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